Mental health advocate Kelly U shares what living with IBS has taught her about stress, self-trust, and how healing starts when you stop fighting your body.

When mental health advocate and creator Kelly U (@kellyu) first began experiencing digestive distress in high school, she didn’t yet have a name for what was happening.

What began as bloating and constipation evolved into years of discomfort, misdiagnoses, and trial and error before finally learning she had irritable bowel syndrome with constipation (IBS-C) and pelvic floor dysfunction.

But for Kelly, understanding IBS wasn’t just about digestion. It became a journey of reconnecting with her body, mental health, and self-compassion.

“I thought IBS was only about food,” she says. “I became obsessed with trying to eat perfectly. But even when I did everything right, I still felt awful. What I didn’t know was how much my stress and anxiety were part of it.”

Here, Kelly shares the lessons she’s learned through living with IBS, from managing flare-ups to building a more peaceful relationship with her body.

When Kelly first heard her diagnosis, she didn’t find it clarifying. It felt like another vague label. “It felt like a label, not an answer,” she recalls. “No one explained how much stress, the nervous system, or muscle coordination could affect it.”

It took years of frustration and repeated doctor visits before she realized what her gut had been trying to tell her all along: that stress, emotions, and physiology are deeply connected.

Now, she sees IBS as her body’s way of communicating. “My gut wasn’t the problem,” she says. “It was trying to get my attention.”

This is because the gut and brain are in constant communication through the gut-brain axis, a two-way network of nerves, hormones, and signaling pathways.

When we experience stress or anxiety, the brain activates the body’s fight-or-flight response, which can alter gut motility (the movement of muscles that push food and waste through the digestive tract), increase sensitivity, and disrupt digestion.

In other words, your emotions can directly influence how your intestines contract, how quickly food moves through, and even how you experience pain or bloating.

For Kelly, learning to interpret those signals, instead of fearing or fighting them, was a turning point. “Once I stopped seeing my gut as the problem and started seeing it as a messenger, everything shifted,” she says.

“It’s not easy, but it’s been the most healing thing I’ve ever done.”

For Kelly, mornings are the cornerstone of managing her IBS. “My mornings are sacred now,” she says. “I make a warm coffee with steamed coconut, soy, or almond milk and give myself at least an hour before I start my day. No rushing, no emails, no stress.”

This slow start isn’t just about digestion. It’s about creating a sense of safety in her body.

“If I wake up and go straight into doing things, my body tenses up and I won’t go. I’m a morning pooper, and if it doesn’t happen then, it probably won’t happen that day. So that quiet hour in the morning isn’t just about coffee. It’s about safety.”

Try this:

  • Wake up 30–60 minutes earlier to give your body time to ease into the day.
  • Avoid screens and stressful tasks first thing.
  • Try a warm drink and gentle movement (like stretching or a short walk).

IBS often worsens when the nervous system feels threatened. By starting the day calmly, you send a powerful signal of safety to your gut, allowing your body to relax and do its job.

When symptoms hit, it’s easy to spiral into panic or frustration. Kelly knows this cycle well.

“When I feel really backed up or uncomfortable, I start with the gentle stuff first: water, a walk, digestive yoga. But mostly, I try to get out of my head. Because the truth is, the more I panic about being bloated or constipated, the more my body shuts down.”

In the past, desperation led her to overuse laxatives and suppositories, which ultimately made her pelvic floor dysfunction worse. Now she approaches flare-ups differently, with patience and body awareness.

“There are still days I feel miserable and frustrated,” she admits. “But I’m learning to listen instead of fight. My body isn’t the enemy. It’s just trying to tell me what it needs.”

Kelly recommends trying to avoid “fix-it mode” when flare-ups occur. Instead, slow down, breathe, hydrate, and focus on calming your body before trying interventions. The calmer your nervous system, the faster your gut can recover.

Kelly’s experience with IBS is deeply intertwined with her mental health journey. “I’ve struggled with my body for as long as I can remember,” she shares. “I developed an eating disorder when I was 10… I never really knew how to listen to my body or trust it.”

Years of ignoring her body’s signals took a toll, emotionally and physically. “When my digestion started falling apart, it made sense. My stomach wasn’t the problem. It was where everything I refused to feel ended up.”

Now, she understands how directly her emotions affect her gut. “When I’m anxious or overwhelmed, my stomach locks up. But when I’m calm and feel safe in my body, everything works better. It’s so clear now.”

Try this:

As Kelly puts it, “IBS has honestly forced me to make peace with my body. I had to stop controlling and start listening.”

Discussing digestive symptoms can feel embarrassing, but Kelly says openness has been one of her most effective coping mechanisms.

“Honestly, I just tell people,” she says. “If I’m having stomach issues, I let whoever I’m with know so I don’t feel like I have to hide it. It takes so much pressure off.”

She’s learned that pretending to be fine only makes things worse. “The minute I try to pretend I’m fine, my body tenses up and my symptoms get worse. But when I’m honest, I actually relax. That alone helps my stomach calm down.”

Her advice extends to the workplace, too: “You don’t have to overshare, but being upfront about what you’re dealing with can make such a difference. It builds trust and gives people the chance to meet you where you’re at.”

Whether it’s a friend, co-worker, or partner, honesty about your IBS needs can ease anxiety and create supportive environments, which are key ingredients for a calmer gut.

One of Kelly’s biggest lessons has been learning to let go of perfection. “I wish someone told me it’s okay to stop trying so hard to fix yourself,” she says.

“I spent years micromanaging everything I ate, every supplement, every ‘gut hack,’ thinking I could outsmart my body. But the harder I tried, the worse I felt.”

Instead, she’s learned that the emotional side of IBS management is just as important. “No one told me that IBS would be as much emotional work as physical,” she says.

“It’s not about a magic food list. It’s about learning how to not live in a constant state of stress. My body doesn’t need perfection. It needs patience.”

That mindset shift has helped her approach her body with curiosity instead of control. Now, when she tries something new, whether it’s a diet change, a supplement, or a new routine, she treats it like an experiment, not a test of success or failure.

If it doesn’t help, she lets it go and rests instead of spiraling into blame. “Healing isn’t linear,” she says. “Some weeks are better, some are harder. But the more I let go of trying to ‘fix’ everything, the easier it is to listen to what my body actually needs.”

For Kelly, this softer approach has created more space for self-trust. The goal isn’t a “perfect gut,” she says. “It’s building a kinder, more responsive relationship with your body.”

Living with IBS can feel incredibly isolating, but Kelly wants others to know they’re not alone. “You’re not crazy for being frustrated or tired of trying to manage it all,” she says.

“It’s exhausting. Some days it feels like your body runs your whole life.”

But she also offers reassurance: “You’re not broken. You’re not too sensitive. You’re just living in a body that needs a little more care and patience.

You’re allowed to rest, to say no, to not push through. You’re allowed to take up space exactly as you are… bloated stomach and all.”

Kelly U’s journey shows that navigating IBS isn’t about finding one perfect solution. It’s about rebuilding trust with your body.

IBS management requires compassion, curiosity, and patience. Slow down. Breathe. Listen. The body isn’t your enemy; it’s your guide.

As Kelly reminds us, “My body wasn’t broken. It had been trying to tell me something all along.”