To wrap up our miniseries on ADHD and the holidays, I sat down for a personal interview. One woman shares her experience and offers advice on navigating this time.
To protect her privacy, Monica has decided to only use her first name for this piece.
Monica is a young professional based in the United Kingdom with ADHD. She spoke to me on the phone while walking home from a day of in-office work.
“I had a moment today when I was thinking, like, oh my God,” she said. “ADHD folks already have a bit of a struggle with executive functioning, and it just feels tenfold during the month of December.”
“You’re trying to wrap things up, and it’s like you don’t have the ‘kick in the butt’ to be wrapping things up the way that a neurotypical person does.”
Monica says that she’s burnt out — both at work and in her social life.
“I noticed at my work party that I was looking for people who weren’t too much energy to talk to,” she said. “Just people that I don’t have to do mental gymnastics to have a conversation with.”
However, despite feeling socially burned out, she says that she does end up attending most events she is invited to.
“I’m the type of person with ADHD who thrives off of being in social environments,” she said. “But then, once I’m there, I realize how burned out I am.”
“The idea of it is so much better than the execution. And I end up getting there, and then I’m like, ‘Oh no. I don’t have as much energy as I thought I would have for this.'”
She added that at work events, such as holiday parties, with open bars, it can lead to her drinking more than she wants to.
“It is hard, because I think there is a thing with ADHD and drinking where it does just calm your brain down a bit,” she says.
This can happen for so many people with or without ADHD. But for Monica’s experience with ADHD, it has been particularly difficult in December.
Due to the stress and increased expectations from work around this time, Monica says that she often feels that she is losing the fun element of the holidays. She added that preparation for the holidays, such as buying presents, is more spontaneous than planned.
“The idea of making a to-do list past 5 p.m., even if it’s for myself … I can’t think about doing that,” she said.
She also added that she is having trouble with the more routine tasks in her life, like managing her own health.
“I’ve been trying to get the same appointment scheduled for the past few weeks,” she said. “I haven’t been able to get it scheduled because I just don’t have that push to do it. I’m so tired.”
However, Monica says that she is able to get through this season by leaning on her support system.
“Not all social experiences deplete you; some recharge you,” she said. “Knowing that my roommates will recharge me, or calling my friends back home.”
“Being an adult with ADHD, it’s important to be aware of what drains you and what doesn’t, and knowing when to set boundaries.”
In a nutshell
- If you’re attending social events, spend as much time as you can with people who don’t drain your social battery.
- Lean into spontaneity. Holiday prep does not have to be elaborately planned.
- Rely on your support system — friends, family, and loved ones — when you feel overwhelmed.
- Set boundaries. It’s OK to say “no” to something that does not serve you.