Parenting while managing chronic migraine can be challenging. Danielle Newport Fancher, a mother of two and migraine advocate, shares how she balances it all.
Migraine is neurologic condition that involves severe, throbbing headache pain that may be accompanied by other symptoms like nausea, vomiting, dizziness, and sensitivity to light or sound. It impacts over 37 million people in the United States, and is much more common in women compared to men.
This is something that Danielle Newport Fancher, a 38 year old writer, knows all to well, as she has been living with migraine for more than 20 years.
“I got my first migraine at the age of 16. When I was 20 years old, they became chronic. And I would say on October 2, 2013, I got a migraine that never stopped. I woke up with migraine pain, and now it’s been well over a decade of constant pain,” Danielle told Healthline.
Now, as a mother to two daughters under the age of four, balancing parenting with migraine “comes with a ton of challenges, navigating not just the physical pain but also parenthood, relationships, the workplace, and all of that,” she said.
Danielle shared how she’s learned to navigate parenthood and migraine with Healthline.
The first challenge of parenting with migraine arrived even before Danielle’s first child was born. “It started before I even began trying to get pregnant,” she said.
Certain migraine medications are not recommended during pregnancy, due to known risks or lack of safety data. People who are taking those medications must work with their doctor to decide whether to switch to another treatment or stop taking treatment when they are pregnant or want to try to get pregnant.
“I made the personal decision to stop taking all of my migraine medication around six months before we started trying [to conceive]. That was hard because I was in a lot of pain, and the preparation for that was scary, along with the anticipation of, ‘will my pain be worse during pregnancy?’” Daniele said.
For some, migraine symptoms may worsen during pregnancy. However, Danielle was one of the 50 to 80% of pregnant people with migraine who experience a reduction in symptoms.
“I actually felt a little bit better during pregnancy, but there were some unknowns and shifts in the migraine pain during that time, so that was a like whole chapter of parenting with migraine before the kids were even born,” she said.
After her children were born, Danielle found herself leaning on the skills she had developed over years of living with migraine.
“I think the tools that I have learned from my migraine journey have been very helpful during parenthood,” she said. “I’ve had to learn when to push my body through, when I really need to take a break, and how to communicate through that process.”
Danielle and her husband work together day to day to share the responsibilities of parenting. He’s very familiar with her migraine journey and helps her take breaks when she needs them. Her mother and mother-in-law also step in to lend a hand.
“I do have to say, breaks were very different pre-kids. I would be in bed for a whole weekend, but I don’t have that luxury anymore,” said Danielle. “There’s just too much to do with working and kids. But I do what I can, and I think those little things make a difference.”
When the pain gets too much to tolerate, Danielle puts an ice pack on her head, takes a hot shower, or rests in bed for a few quiet moments. She also tries to carve out time for low-impact exercise, which helps relieve stress without making her symptoms worse.
“I love going for long walks, and that’s something I can do with my kids, too. I take the stroller and go for a nice long walk, so I can get my exercise in and get my body moving without triggering more pain,” she said.
On one of their recent walks together, her oldest daughter asked, ‘Mommy, does your head hurt?’ Danielle felt a little sad that her daughter had noticed her pain, but she was also touched at how this experience was teaching her daughter compassion. “She knows me so well, and she was there for me. It was a really sweet moment.”
While parenting while living with migraine is a challenge, it’s well worth it, emphasized Danielle. “It’s important for me to recognize that this is a hard chapter, but it’s also a special chapter,” she said. “I love watching my children go through these amazing milestones, and even if I am in pain, I really try take it in and appreciate that moment.”
Support from others has been critical for helping Danielle manage the challenges of parenting with migraine. Her network of support includes not only her family, but also her doctors, friends, and other people who live with migraine.
“I have a really great network of people with migraine in my life, and I feel like talking to them regularly has been a huge help. Like, ‘Oh, they get it! This is amazing,’” she said.
“And again, I carried that lesson into my parenting journey and made sure I was really connecting with friends who are in the same life stage,” she added.
There were times in the past when Danielle didn’t have the same network of support to lean on. She felt isolated in her migraine journey, which inspired her to write a memoir about her experiences in “10: A Memoir of Migraine Survival.”
She also launched an Instagram account and became involved in migraine advocacy work, which helped her connect with people who face similar challenges.
“The biggest piece of advice I always give to people with migraine is to find others who are going through something similar,” she said. “I think there’s something about understanding each other on those different levels that just brings you closer and builds really nice relationships with people you can call when you’re in pain.”
Danielle recently gathered with fellow migraine advocates and community members at Headache on the Hill in Washington, D.C.
This annual event brings together people with migraine, family members, health professionals, researchers, and Congressional representatives. They join forces to address issues facing people who live with migraine and headache disorders as well as their families and wider communities.
“There were a lot of parents there who brought their kids,” said Danielle. “A member of our group brought her two kids, and they were presenting with us, and it was so incredible.”
“I was telling my daughter, she might be too young [right now], but my hope is that she can apply next year and join me,” she added. “I think hearing from the kids takes things to the next level and really is memorable for the people making change.”
Danielle Newport Fancher is a writer, migraine advocate, speaker, and author of “10: A Memoir of Migraine Survival“. She’s received awards from the National Headache Foundation and The Association of Migraine Disorders for her writing and advocacy work. She’s also a member of the Patient Leadership Council for the National Headache Foundation and an Editorial Board Member for the Migraine Science Collaborative. To learn more about Danielle and her journey with migraine, visit migrainewriter.com or follow @MigraineWriter on Instagram.