Key takeaways
- When starting a conversation about Peyronie’s disease, choose a relaxed setting and ask your partner if this is a good time to talk about sex and related issues.
- It’s important to be honest and open during the conversation. Reassure your partner that you’re committed to the relationship and that the condition’s effects are not a reflection of your feelings toward them.
- Involving your partner in your experience of Peyronie’s disease may strengthen your bond. You can learn about the condition together and find the best ways to share intimacy. If you need help with clear communication or other support, you might consider seeking couples counseling.
Peyronie’s disease is a medical condition that can change the shape, size, and function of your penis. It occurs when plaques (areas of scar tissue) form within the tunica albuginea, the fibrous layer of connective tissue surrounding the erectile tissue of the penis.
Plaques can prevent the tunica albuginea from stretching properly during an erection. Depending on their location, plaques can lead to effects such as penile curving, bending, narrowing, and indentations. Many people also experience pain or erectile dysfunction.
The emotional impact of Peyronie’s disease can be as significant as its physical symptoms. Many people feel embarrassed or self-conscious about the condition, and these feelings can contribute to worsening of symptoms such as erectile dysfunction.
Talking with your partner about Peyronie’s disease can help you both feel better about the condition. The more you both know about the disease and each other’s feelings, the more success you’ll have in planning for intimacy.
Starting is often the most challenging step in any process. When it comes to talking with your partner about Peyronie’s disease, you can take steps to start the conversation while keeping stress levels low.
1. Choose the right time and place
When and where you start this conversation can make a difference.
Picking a calm, quiet time when and place where you can speak openly, without interruptions, can help you stay focused.
This conversation might be uncomfortable at first, so it’s a good idea to make yourself as physically comfortable as possible. Pillows, blankets, and a soothing cup of tea can promote physical comfort as you explore difficult topics.
Choosing a time when you and your partner aren’t stressed about other matters can also help you begin this conversation with a neutral mood.
2. Gently bring up the subject matter
You might be ready to talk about your sex life, but that doesn’t mean your partner is. By asking them if they’re open to a conversation about sex, you can find out whether this is truly the best moment.
If they say “yes,” you can take the opportunity to speak specifically about Peyronie’s disease. If they say “no,” you can pick another time that works for both of you.
3. Explain Peyronie’s disease clearly
Explaining Peyronie’s disease helps your partner understand what it is and is not.
For example, it isn’t a sexually transmitted disease. For most people, Peyronie’s disease occurs as a result of an injury to the penis during
While you might not know the exact cause of Peyronie’s disease in your case, explaining its causes to your partner can bring them peace of mind about their (and your) sexual health.
4. Be honest about your experience
Be open and honest with your partner about how Peyronie’s disease affects you physically and emotionally. Honesty from both partners is essential to finding a path forward together. If your partner doesn’t know you’re experiencing low self-esteem, for example, they will miss out on opportunities to support you.
Talking about Peyronie’s disease isn’t just talking about Peyronie’s disease. There are many other considerations to make this a productive conversation.
1. Clarify that it doesn’t have to be a one-time discussion
Your conversation about Peyronie’s doesn’t have to be a one-time talk. It’s OK to take breaks or revisit the conversation as your symptoms change.
Your partner may need some time to process what you’ve told them. If you make it clear that you can come back to the topic later, they can feel comfortable asking for time to think about what you’ve said.
2. Be prepared for questions
Peyronie’s disease can be complex and may affect each person differently. Your partner might have questions about what you’re feeling, how you developed the disease, whether it will get worse, and so on. They might also have questions about their role and what the future looks like for your sex life.
It’s OK not to know all the answers. You can offer to find them out together with your partner.
3. Encourage honesty and open communication
Just as you’re doing your best to convey how Peyronie’s disease affects you physically and emotionally, encourage your partner to communicate openly. They have a right to express their honest feelings and opinions. Open communication helps prevent concerns from snowballing into major problems as a result of being kept secret.
Your partner may have personal challenges to discuss. While some research suggests that female partners are not as bothered by penile appearance as men living with Peyronie’s disease, intercourse might be painful for a female partner. Some people may worry about hurting their partner or making Peyronie’s disease worse.
4. Reaffirm your commitment to the relationship
Having Peyronie’s disease does not mean you’re not invested in your relationship or don’t want to be sexually intimate with your partner. It can be helpful to remind your partner that you love them and that you want to find a way to make sexual intimacy enjoyable for both of you.
Remind them how Peyronie’s disease can affect your sexual function and performance and reassure them that, when this happens, it’s a side effect of the condition, not a reflection of your feelings toward them.
Involving your partner in your experience with Peyronie’s disease can help them feel appreciated and heard and show them that you value their input.
1. Brainstorm intimacy ideas
The two of you are equal partners when it comes to intimacy and sexual enjoyment. If intercourse isn’t the best option for you both, you can explore other activities. You can also find nonsexual ways to build emotional intimacy.
2. Learn together
The more you and your partner know about Peyronie’s disease, the more empowered you might feel about its place in your relationship. You might consider inviting your partner to your medical appointments or sharing information you’ve learned about the disease so that you both can make informed contributions to your path forward.
3. Consider couples counseling
Working with a couples counselor might be helpful when the lines of communication need to be clearer or when you and your partner feel that you’re not making progress on specific issues. A counselor can also teach you new ways to support one another, even if your relationship is already in a positive place.
Support from both partners is important for effective communication during a conversation about Peyronie’s disease.
1. Be empathetic
Whether you’re the one living with Peyronie’s disease or not, empathy goes a long way toward making this conversation comfortable and productive. As you listen, consider your partner’s point of view and try to imagine how you’d feel if the situation were reversed.
2. Focus on active listening
Active listening is considered a
Active listening involves making eye contact and showing that you’ve heard what the other person has said by nodding or changing your facial expression. It lets that person know you’re focused on them.
3. Ask how you can help
If you’re not sure what to do or say, you can always ask how you can help. This applies to both partners. Finding out what the other person would appreciate gives you an opportunity to make positive change.
Peyronie’s disease can be both physically and mentally challenging to both partners in a relationship. It isn’t always a comfortable topic of conversation, but talking about it with your partner can be important for relationship health and satisfaction.
You can keep the conversation productive and positive by being clear, open, and honest and considering your partner’s feelings throughout the process.